Zombie Cowboys; or, Why Western Henchmen Never Die

They’re the snarling thugs behind the mustache-twirling villain. The what’s-his-name-again guys holding prisoner the beautiful cowgirl in distress. The cannon fodder who aim their guns at the well-armed Silver Screen Western Hero. On cue they say “Okay boss,” “Let’s get him!” or just grunt. 

Let's get 'em, boys!

Henchmen come in all sizes, most ethnicities, one gender, and . . . → Read More: Zombie Cowboys; or, Why Western Henchmen Never Die

Reach for the Skies; or, Study Says Guns Make People Look Bigger

Huh. And I thought it was all in the camerawork.

A recent (April 2012) study at UCLA funded by the US Air Force has found that humans will perceive a man with a gun as larger than he really is. Study participants were asked to judge the size of men holding things like caulking guns, saws, drills, and . . . → Read More: Reach for the Skies; or, Study Says Guns Make People Look Bigger

Trying Hard to Sound like Gary Cooper; or, How to Talk Super-Dooper

The quintessential taciturn cowboy, lanky yet graceful, was branded “Gary Cooper” by the 1929 film The Virginian. The son of  a Montana rancher, the Coop could ride as soon as he could walk. Born Frank James Cooper, he changed his name per a casting director’s advice to “Gary,” which she thought would sound more rugged, like . . . → Read More: Trying Hard to Sound like Gary Cooper; or, How to Talk Super-Dooper

Novel High Noon Approaching; or, Gary Cooper as Seen Through the Eyes of…

I’m revising a novel at a sprint now, so some days will be bloggier than others! Not to worry–my famed western how-tos on achieving happiness through following the filmsteps of silver-screen western hero Gary Cooper’s Virginian will return tomorrow. Just keep practicing those squints and stares and epic pauses, y’hear?

As author Paul Green commented, when . . . → Read More: Novel High Noon Approaching; or, Gary Cooper as Seen Through the Eyes of…

A Man’s Gotta Do What a Man’s Gotta Do * ; or A Handy Guide to Life’s Goals

The epically awesome goals of a Silver-Screen Western hero can be distilled down to five emulation-worthy goals, which can be mixed and matched for dramatic effect.

win a love interest
protect society
wreak revenge
get rich
know thyself

*(btw, title from George Jetson of The Jetsons, not John Wayne)

Of these, . . . → Read More: A Man’s Gotta Do What a Man’s Gotta Do * ; or A Handy Guide to Life’s Goals

Will Do; or, the Eighth Principle of the Silver-Screen Western Hero Code

Chapter 8 in Reach for the Skies: The Modern Buckaroo’s Guide to Happiness will explore the eighth principle of the silver-screen western hero code:
DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

The important parts of this to consider is that “do” is a verb (and an active one at that), and “need” is different than . . . → Read More: Will Do; or, the Eighth Principle of the Silver-Screen Western Hero Code

Betrayal! Rage! Vengeance! Lust! Kiss!; or, Life as a Movie Poster

Nothing can beat a lurid western film poster.
What is it about a holster looped around hips, the frozen snarl of a villain, the gimlet eye of the hero with the thousand-yard stare, the heaving bosoms of the love interest? And all in vermilion, cadmium yellow, and cerulean blue, traced in black, shot with white. Yum.
Even relatively . . . → Read More: Betrayal! Rage! Vengeance! Lust! Kiss!; or, Life as a Movie Poster

AIG High Noon Smackdown Hoedown Showdown

Weren’t we supposed to be done with all these cowboy showdowns? Then along comes AIG, thinking business as usual, and they caught caught in populist crossfire. I’d feel sorry for them, but I’m not. I can hear a constant rustling in the bushes as one by one all of AIG’s friends and comrades abandon them to . . . → Read More: AIG High Noon Smackdown Hoedown Showdown

High Noon; or, Cramer Stewart CNBC Cowboy Stamp Showdown

The New York Times isn’t above reaching for hyperbolic language like a grocery store rag. I couldn’t help discovering–OK everything even remotely related to the West gets shot to my e-mail like a .44 caliber bullet so I can read these things greedily as if they were pulp novels, of which I have over three hundred . . . → Read More: High Noon; or, Cramer Stewart CNBC Cowboy Stamp Showdown

Who Was That Masked Man?

A certain commentary conversation was getting veeeery interesting, so I have to bring it to the light of day. High Noon day that is. I had fingered Gary Cooper as a Man Worthy of Emulation (at least on the silver screen). Cooper’s Everyman Marshal Kane is willing to risk all for the sake of duty. . . . → Read More: Who Was That Masked Man?