Et tu, Cimarron?; or More Rules for Epic Westerns

As I was saying before paying work and Valentine’s Day and the call of the West in the form of watching The Stalking Moon, starring Gregory “Awesome Gimlet-Eye” Peck, epic westerns aren’t my cuppa tea. Or joe.

I’d just finished spinning my snark about epic westerns in an earlier post when Nuts4r2 “Awesome Gimlet-eyed Film Reviewer” called . . . → Read More: Et tu, Cimarron?; or More Rules for Epic Westerns

The Purple States of True Grit; or, Bridging the Gap, One Movie Theater at a Time

True Grit has accomplished the impossible. Unity! It’s a miracle! It’s hope, change, and Old West dialogue all mixed together!

True Grit has bridged the red state/blue state divide, Frank Rich of The New York Times writes. It’s a hit with coastal elites and Middle America family-values families alike, something that the blue/red mix of voters . . . → Read More: The Purple States of True Grit; or, Bridging the Gap, One Movie Theater at a Time

The Animal Hero’s Journey into Serial Darkness; or, Not Another Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Western!?

Just when you thought it was safe to go blog surfing, one more Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Western! Nooooo!

Actually, it’s not too bad. In this flick, Rex and Rinty far outshine the human actors and the ridiculonkulousness of the script. Like their man’s-best-friend comrades in the real world, Rex and Rinty prove themselves to be . . . → Read More: The Animal Hero’s Journey into Serial Darkness; or, Not Another Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Western!?

Rules for a Successful Showdown; or, Staying Cool and Looking Hot

Rule #1 for a successful showdown:

You have to be cool, as in gimlet-eyed, emotions-in-check, stone-cold control. Do not speak wildly, spittle flying into everyone’s faces, and do not drag children, animals, or siblings into your altercation (as Brockie does his sister, Jessica Drummond, in Forty Guns).

Little Brockie Drummond is only throwing a tantrum here.

Note . . . → Read More: Rules for a Successful Showdown; or, Staying Cool and Looking Hot

Shoot Up the Town; or, The Establishing Six-Gun Shot

Cowboys have it good. Women swoon in close proximity to them. Gay men do, too. Boot fetishists want to lick their boot soles. Everything about them is beloved, from the ching of their spurs to their slang.

But the real-life historical cowboy wasn’t so lovable. He could be a roughneck, a gangbanger, a kind of ride-into-town-get-drunk . . . → Read More: Shoot Up the Town; or, The Establishing Six-Gun Shot

The Girls of Westerns, Part 3; or, The Wild Woman

You know you’ve seen her.

She’s the stunning beauty with the hair over her eyes, the “other woman” standing in the shadows apart from the stalwart white woman.

She is either mute or deranged or she can’t speak English. She is often a figure of fun, the buffoon. She can be Native American, or Spanish, comely or the butt . . . → Read More: The Girls of Westerns, Part 3; or, The Wild Woman

Once Upon a Dog in the Yukon; or, Yet Another of the Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Westerns

Just when I thought it was safe to go back to blogging, my novel does a feint to the left, then makes a fierce uppercut to my chin and tosses me across the bar, onto a table, then out the plate-glass window. I land on my back in the mud of the road, staring up at . . . → Read More: Once Upon a Dog in the Yukon; or, Yet Another of the Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Westerns

Kemo Sabe Sucks Eggs; or Another of the Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Westerns

I never saw 1981’s The Legend of the Lone Ranger. And now, thanks be to Flapjack42, guest blogger extraordinaire, I never have to see this jaw-droppingly bad flick. Best of all, now you don’t either, especially with the following blow-by-blow account of what truly be an awesomely bad movie. All praise Flapjack42! Especially because that bucko . . . → Read More: Kemo Sabe Sucks Eggs; or Another of the Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Westerns

The Good, Bad, and the Fugly; or, Silver-Screen Western Clichés in Ten Wanted Men

I thought I liked westerns until I saw Ten Wanted Men, 1955, directed by H. Bruce “Lucky” Humberstone, who never wasted a shot, even when it was shitty.

But if you can sit through this slog-fest of clichés and stilted dialogue and incongruous shots and dead airspace, westerns are your life.

Bad western clichés, gawd . . . → Read More: The Good, Bad, and the Fugly; or, Silver-Screen Western Clichés in Ten Wanted Men

Animals Can So Be Heroes, Too; or An Epic Cowboylands Top 10 Guest Post

“Quick! Get your horses! it’s time to rescue the bad guy and shoot the girl! I mean…”

Whoa, dude.

That’s how Flapjack42 began, as soon as I asked her to write about these animal hero movies she’d been watching. No, Flapjack42 isn’t a glutton for B-movie punishment–she is a connoisseur of all westerns, whether they be . . . → Read More: Animals Can So Be Heroes, Too; or An Epic Cowboylands Top 10 Guest Post