The Modern Buckaroo’s Guide to Happiness; or What to Give the Silver-Screen Western Hero of Your Life

Two words: Cowboy boots.

Be just like Tom Mix. Or his boots.

A gift of cowboy boots will make the day of

  • anyone who yearns to be someone special. The Silver-Screen Western Hero can only walk the talk because of the unique properties of cowboy boots, powerfully packed into a high heel (for holding the stirrup), the tall shaft (for protecting against rattlesnakes and other varmints), and sharp toe (for kicking the nemesis, when gunplay just won’t do)
  • anyone who wants to emulate the hardworking, independent, salt-of-the-earth cowboy. Whether the giftee steps in cow patties or two-steps on the dance floor, cowboy boots will hold their feet tight and never let go. *Shoe horn sold separately.
  • anyone who likes a bit of frisky role-playing, leather-chaps-clad-cowboy style. Whether butch, femme, fey, or macho, your guy or gal can rock these heels both in and out of bed.
  • any urban cowboy or cowboyette. Cowboy boots never go out of style, unlike those nasty Uggs that deserve to be shot from helicopters.
  • you. Trust me, buckos–you’ll feel taller, stronger, slimmer, more confident, sexy, and capable of riding tall horses in a single bound. Just don’t get some cheap import. Look for Justin or Lucchese, and you’ll never look back.

Color?

As Paloma Picasso once said so eloquently: “I love the color red.” Red screams passion, hawtness, and stop all traffic, I’m walking here.

Leather?

From crusty-crocodile-snout rough to lamb-fetus-skin smooth to animal-friendly silicone, you have your choice. Just make up your mind.

Decoration?

Why yes, thank you. Get the floral stitchery. Or the old-school swirls, skulls, lucky horseshoes, butterflies, naked ladies, or “Jesus Saves.” Whatever, it’s out there, saying “Take me.”

Oh. Ouch. Just remember to give Band-Aids, too. These suckers can take a while to break in.

That kindness alone should earn you a big Tom Mix-worthy kiss (on or off screen).

2 comments to The Modern Buckaroo’s Guide to Happiness; or What to Give the Silver-Screen Western Hero of Your Life

  • Ruth Ellen Gruber

    Just wanted to let you know that I got me a pair of black cherry colored ostrich skin Luccheses — at a consignment store (in Berkeley)! Almost new! Perfect fit! Didn’t even have to break them in!

  • bucko

    Hol. Lee. Cow! Those sound like they’ll give you a lift to another plane of existence! Send a picture if you’d like; I have a gallery of boots.

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