The Curse of the Return of; or, One More of the Worst Silver-Screen Animal Hero Westerns

The deadline hit my shoulder with the force of a bullet and the reins of the stagecoach dropped from my nerveless hands. The coach careened across the dusty road as its six horses, freed from my steady presence on the reins, bolted. The passengers–my beloved characters–shrieking, I tried in vain to pull the brake but nearly fell, weak from loss of blood and having missed the goddamn deadline again.

Then a figure leaped upon the wheel horse ‘s back, stood for one death-defying moment, and in a feat of dare-devil acrobatics, jumped to the second horse in line, and then the lead. The horses began to slow, obeying this unknown’s commands.

But before us was a chasm, one I knew well: FAILURE. Would the stagecoach, its characters, and its author be cast to our doom into the Chasm of Epic Failure?

NO! Because Flapjack42, despite being in a hospital for a straight week, has saved our lives again. And in the nick of time! The perfection that is Flapjack42 sees these bad movies SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

#4  Return of Rin Tin Tin (1947) HERO: Rin Tin Tin III*

*NB: Lest anyone think FJ42 and I have it in for this pooch, we both firmly believe that altho the movies can be pretty lame, it’s never the German Shepherd’s fault! He’s the best part about them!–Bucko

Robert Blake, when he was innocent.

Rin Tin Tin, abused by an Indiana Jones clone with a dog whip, fights back and escapes with a terrific leap. He spares the time for a beachwalk and some body surfing. Then he gets back to business and goes over the mountain, right to the boy who hates and fears everything. The wise old padre says to his adoptive mother, “If I can just get him to believe in something…anything…” I believe this movie has gone to the dogs! The dog action shots are excellent. Some of the scenery and the Santa Ynez Mission are real. Platitudes…heavy on the platitudes…OK, real heavy on the platitudes! Another bit of needless platitudinal advice…

This eye-catching German Shepherd runs across the prairie, up and over boulders and rocks, and pauses to look over the valley below and sniff the wind. Aaah! Oops! Captured and escaped again from his nemesis, the guy with the hat and whip!

There is a seriously too-dark night scene with a wolf/dog fight. Rinty kills the wolf so it won’t attack the villain who broke his leg while hunting for Rinty. Didja get that?

Rinty: Arf arf WOOF!

Hero: He wants us to follow him to get the bad guy who is lying out there one and a half miles away with a broken leg!

WORTH THE PRICE OF ADMISSION: Rinty dips a rag in a bucket, using the wet rag to smother a barn fire!

HOW I LIKED THIS MOVIE: Can’t watch this movie? What’s the matter, are you yellow?! Draw!

Rin Tin Tin, III with Claudia Drake

On the last post Flapjack and I received a kind correction from a Miss Hereford, and since then I’ve gotten my head out of Novelland and realized WHO that is! So thrilled to have gotten a fact straightened from the family responsible for keeping the Rin Tin Tin legacy alive–the real-life pup’s (currently Rin Tin Tin XI) as well as his reel-life forebears’. Check out the history of Rin Tin Tin here.

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