From Everyday to Epic; or, How to Transform a Road Trip

Road trips aren’t all Tombstone and saguaro vistas and ghostly Indian Wars forts. A lot of road trips are deadly dull. Exhibit A, from a trip in Idaho.

Note that I actually like Idaho. But this part made me go insane with boredom and eat the driver, which caused problems later on. (I recommend garlic and a touch of sage.)

To go from everyday to epic, all you need is the appropriate internal soundtrack, keyed to your own personal Silver-Screen Western Hero. (You don’t know which SSWH you are? Good gawd, quick! Take the quiz here.) Some people like to ramble, some people like to be chasing badmen. Me, on long boring road trips through landscape that is okay for five minutes and then cannibalizing-the-driver-worthy for any longer duration, I prefer the gunslinger’s race with death.

Here is the same video with that one important change. Same location, some dullsville, but with the addition of super-gunslinger soundtrack from Ennio Morricone, “Guns Don’t Argue.” As you will see, it is a completely different experience.

As you see, you no longer need DVD players or iPads. Try it yourself. I suggest Ennio Morricone, Lanterna, or Frankie Laine, for epically awesome drives.

And I better go…I have a posse after me…

Bullet in my shoulder!
BLOOD runnin’ down my vest
Twenty in the posse!
And they’re never gonna let me rest
Till I became a wanted man I never even owned a gun
But now they hunt me like a mountain cat
And I’m always (always), always (always), always on the run.
–Frankie Laine, “Wanted Man”

4 comments to From Everyday to Epic; or, How to Transform a Road Trip

  • co

    even as it was loading it looked boring.

    and everybody gives me shit for not wanting to leave NY.

  • bucko

    Everything else in Idaho except for that long strip along the Snake River was amazing. This particular stretch was like 14th Street between Union Square and 10th Ave. Like 57th Street where the tourists go. Like the Upper East Side at 2nd Avenue. Oh, and like 23rd street! Every place has its dull spots!

  • Tim

    Hi Bucko,

    Yeah, know that country well. When I was nineteen I took the bus across Canada. Twice. Then, a few years later the train. In the middle of the country you pass through a day and a half of this flat, unchanging landscape. It’s sort of amazing in a way – the big sky, the sheer open-ness of it. But you CAN go out of your mind with boredom.

    I wonder what it was like when it was still covered in Prairie grass, if it wasn’t like being out in a great green sea . . .


  • bucko

    Tim–Canada sounds better and better! There have a few places where the prairie has grown back (they say), and now those places are included in national parks. Colorado has a couple. The only problem is you have to drive through mind-numbingly boring swathes of scenery before getting there…

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